Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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