So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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