He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
