I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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