after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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