Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
