Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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