Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
