i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
