Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found puke in my bra..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
