And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
