I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
