Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
