So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
