I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
