wrigley field is MILF paradise
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
