i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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