Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
