I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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