It's Friday. Sex?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
