tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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