Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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