How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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