There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
