Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
