i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
