Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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