Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
