I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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