he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
