Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
