I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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