We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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