you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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