I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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