I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
