Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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