i don't like sucking hair
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
