Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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