what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
