just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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