So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
