how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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