dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
