Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
