i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
