Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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