i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
