I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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