Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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