i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
