So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
