just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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