so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
