So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
