i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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