true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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