I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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