Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
