I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
