um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
do herpes really smell.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
